For those who are just starting to learn more about strengthening your child’s relationship with food, there is one practice that stands above the rest – food neutrality (FN). In this blog, you’re going to learn about food neutrality, and why this practice should be the foundation for building healthy relationships with food.
The idea of FN is simple – it is using language and behavior to promote neutral perspectives on all foods, whether that food is chocolate cake or roasted green beans. This does not mean that foods don’t have good and bad qualities, it just means that you are removing the language that creates charged association of food, so as not to place judgement on yourself or others for what the foods we decide to eat. This is an important idea to introduce early in life to promote a healthy relationship with food, and to encourage self-regulation of a healthy lifestyle.
So, why do we go to all this effort to try and keep our language and behavior around foods neutral? That’s because it’s normal for us to create charged associations around food, and these charged associations can complicate our relationships with food quite a bit. I’ll give you a few examples of how this can occur.
When you create the idea that dessert is special, and add the idea that dessert is an unhealthy or ‘bad’ food, plus the idea that we can only have dessert sometimes… this equals obsession, fixation, and craving. Over time, these feelings can limit our ability to self-regulate food intake based on satisfaction and fullness alone, and may lead to disordered eating behaviors.
I’ll give you another example. When you create the idea there are foods we HAVE to eat, like vegetables, plus the idea that vegetables are healthy or ‘good’, and take into account that we have a slowly acquired taste for vegetables (remember, most veggies are somewhat bitter and human beings naturally have aversions to bitter foods)…. this can lead to frustration, additional learned aversions, and later in life, guilt related to eating the ‘bad’ foods over the ‘good’ foods.
Why do we assign them labels like good or bad? Foods inherently do not have any moral value, yet we use these words to neatly categorize foods and their contribution to our health. Essentially by making all foods neutral, we are creating an even playing field between all foods, and avoiding negative and positive association. When we give children a neutral environment to learn from, it provides an opportunity to prevent learned, charged emotions that tend to show up around certain foods.
Food neutrality can be practiced in dozens of different ways, and there’s really no wrong way to get started. I am going to share my 5 favorite FN strategies so you can get started practicing this at home right away!
Labeling foods is the basis for the learned, charged associations we are trying to prevent as we practice FN. While we often use words like ‘good’ and ‘bad’ to describe foods, I recommend mindfully moderating your word choice, and avoiding these labels all together. For example, this can sound like:
Before FN: “No more cookies, that’s just junk!”
After FN: “You’ve had cookies, now why don’t you snack on something else – would you like some grapes or a string cheese?”
Okay, so you’ve stopped labeling foods as good or bad – now, your behavior has to match your language. While the appeal of certain foods is, understandably, reason to get excited as the food approaches, it’s important to keep a neutral tone and demeanor no matter what food you’re presenting to your children. This sounds a little like:
Before FN: “Here’s your dinner…. Ohhhh! Who wants dessert?!?!”
After FN: “Here’s your dinner… Here is a piece of cake.”
This also may apply when special occasions, like holidays, birthdays, graduations, etc., are right around the corner. Rather than asking, “What kind of cake do you want to serve at your party?”, try asking, “What are some of your favorite foods that you want to serve at your party?” When asked a neutral question rather than a directed question, you may be surprised by their answers over time.
Inviting your kids to cook in the kitchen with you may sound like a disaster waiting to happen, any mess made will be well worth it. Involving your children in the prep of breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner is a great way to help them build healthy relationships with food, while also helping them practice important motor skills, and teaching them responsibility and autonomy. Brainstorm some kitchen activities for your kids to help out with! While the level of involvement may vary significantly depending on their age, there are appropriate activities for any skill level. Ask them to wash the produce, add seasonings, stir the pot, or set the table. You can allow them some freedom for creativity, and offer them the ability to make some choices on behalf of the family:
“I am trying to figure out what vegetables to cook with dinner tonight – do you want broccoli or salad?”
Or, “Do you want to choose which spices we put on the chicken tonight?”
During mealtimes, parents and children have a distinct division of responsibilities, a principle established by Registered Dietitian and Family Therapist, Ellyn Satter. The intention of this division is to establish expectations for both parents and children, to encourage healthy relationships with food during mealtimes. This can help promote FN, because by following these responsibilities, you can avoid the pressure and conflict that can sometimes come up during mealtimes (like, the frustration that can happen when your kid just will not eat their dinner, or when they have a meltdown when you ask them to ‘take just one bite’ of the roasted Brussels sprouts).
For caregivers, your responsibilities are threefold –
For kids, their responsibilities are as follows –
If you follow this division, there should be no emphasis placed on any one food or the volume of food, as it is up to the child to decide what they want. Don’t stress if they avoid their vegetables time and time again – continue to offer them a variety of options, and allow them to explore each option at their own pace.
While incentives sometimes seem like the only way to get your child to do anything, I strongly recommend against using food as incentive. When we use dessert as reward for eating vegetables, or behaving well in the grocery store, we are creating the idea that the food we eat is linked to our non-food behaviors. Additionally, this can teach children to ignore their own self-regulation of appetite. Imagine a scenario where your children aren’t eating their veggies because they’re full, then you offer dessert as incentive to finish their veggies. Now, they may be inclined to ignore their fullness, and then eat their vegetables AND dessert (this may also violates the division of responsibilities you learned in strategy #4). Check out my recent blog, How Using Food as Reward Can Impact Your Child’s Relationship with Food, to learn more about the challenges this habit can create, and how to slowly phase it out in an effort to help your child develop a healthier relationship with food.
It may seem overwhelming to implement a lot of these strategies, but don’t be intimidated! FN does not happen overnight. Implement these strategies slowly over time, and most importantly, practice patience. The intention of practicing food neutrality is to create an improved, neutral food dynamic for your children, to help promote healthy realtionships with eating as they get older. For many parents, this idea is very different from what they have grown up with, and so, it may take time to unlearn old habits, while structuring new ones for future generations.
For those of you who still may need some extra help in practicing FN and unlearning old food habits, I recommend one-on-one support! As a Pediatric Dietitian and Body Positivity Coach, I work with families to implement personalized FN strategies at home. Fill out my 1:1 Coaching Application to get started, and I will reach out within 24-48 hours for a free consultation!
