There are dozens of strategies that I recommend for helping your child building healthy relationships with food. Ultimately, many of these strategies always come back to some state of neutrality. Essentially, that means, we provide kids the building blocks (support, education, exposure to a variety of foods, etc), and let them at it without interruption. We provide no pressure, no praise, with the intention of encouraging food curiosity and acceptance.
However, ‘no pressure, no praise’ is a lot easier said than done. Many parents want to try this approach, but feel their kids may not be successful under these conditions.
“I’m worried if I don’t encourage them to eat their vegetables, they won’t touch them.”
“My kid is disinterested in food. If I don’t remind him to take another bite, he barely eats.”
“I have a rule where my kids have to try at least a bite of everything on the plate. If they do, they can have dessert. It works really well.”
How would you feel if I told you that you would actually be doing more for your child by saying less? Even though these strategies seem to be working well now, do you have a back-up plan when they become ineffective?
In this blog, I want to provide you some supplementary strategies to support food curiosity and acceptance, so you can get the mealtime outcomes you’re hoping for, without the pressure, praise, or hassle.
While I recommend avoiding pressure or praise during mealtimes, that doesn’t need you mean to be dead silent! Asking your child questions can be a great way to invite curiosity during mealtimes, about their food, about their own feelings of hunger and fullness, and more! I also recommend providing the answer to your own questions as you ask them. Provide a strong example by showing them your own interest! This might sound like:
“Broccoli reminds me of trees in a rainforest! What kind of animals are you looking for in your broccoli forest?”
“Oh boy, I am feeling so full and happy after dinner. Chicken noodle soup is my favorite. How does chicken noodle soup make your tummy feel?”
“Chewing carrots is so much louder than chewing potatoes! It sounds like a dinosaur crunching through trees. Do you hear anything when you chew your food?”
Do you see how these questions put a much less pressure on kids during mealtime compared to, “You’ve eaten all your potatoes, but haven’t touched your carrots! Would you take a bite of your carrots please?” In response, you might get frustration, disinterest, rebellion, or maybe even tantrums of varying intensity. When you ask more playful and observational questions, you may still get disinterest, but it’s unlikely that kids will react with any strong opposition. This keeps the emotional temperature of the mealtime low, and allows your child to explore that food at their own pace, without pressure, as their curiosity peaks.
Another great way to encourage curiosity and sensory exploration of food is to allow them to play with food. While this practice has been traditionally discouraged, I think this is a great strategy for encouraging food exploration and acceptance.
Let’s think about foods from a child’s perspective for a minute here. Crackers, their favorite pasta shapes, bread, cookies… They all have the same thing in common – consistency. A cracker is (roughly) the same shape, size, texture, and flavor every time they’re offered to your child. On the other hand – fruits, vegetables, and meats might vary significantly from texture to flavor. Additionally, let’s not forget that vegetables tend to offer a more bitter flavor profile, which humans acquire taste for as they grow older. These foods are challenging, and we have to allow kids the opportunity to explore these variations slowly, at their own pace. Challenging them to go too fast, or to accept too wide of a variety of fruits and vegetables, can form negative associations and food rejection.
Allowing them to play with food can create an environment of curiosity that provides them the chance to explore these new textures, flavors, and smells at their own pace. While I understand that you want your kids to eat these foods rather than just playing with them, I want to challenge you with a new perspective. ANY interaction with food should be seen as a win. I’m talking touches, smells, pokes, mashes, licks, and even rejected bites. These exposures allow your child to learn at their own pace, and on their own terms. Which has an impact on their food choices over time.
Kids don’t have control over much, but man, do they want more of it. The good news is that you can temper some of that power struggle by allowing them control over certain mealtime dynamics. One way you can do this is by allowing kids the chance to serve themselves meals (this works for children aged 3+, though abilities may vary from child to child). This might not work for every meal – I don’t envision younger kiddos ladling out a bowl of hot soup… But, this works very well for adding their own sides, or for ‘Build your Own…” meals like tacos, burrito bowls, salads, etc.
Watch my sweet niece, Emma (age 3 years, almost 4 in this video), serve herself at dinner time. This was her first attempt, and I think she rocked it!
This practice allows your child to exert a little more control over food choice. They will very likely choose the foods they like best and want to eat. It may be challenging to not encourage them to “try a little bit of this,” or to “make sure they get some veggies.” Know that by offering a variety of options, and allowing them to choose their own volume of food and pace, you are allowing them some much needed autonomy.
You can continue to allow your kids more autonomy in food choice by inviting them to participate in food planning and preparation! While I wouldn’t say we are manipulating kids, know that we are playing some Jedi mind tricks with this strategy. We want to make kids think that eating veggies and trying new foods are their idea. By giving them some opportunity to help plan and prepare meals, we can help make them feel more connected to the food they are eating. They helped make the food, so they might as well give it a taste. They choose the vegetable the family is eating for dinner tonight, so they’re not quite as offended by its presence on the plate.
Check out my recent blog, “Get Your Kiddos in the Kitchen!“, for ideas on how you can involve your kids (of all ages) in meal prep!
You are your child’s greatest example. Eating together provides you the chance to showcase healthy relationships with food. Show them how to eat a diet rich in variety. Show them that it’s okay to not like foods, but still be willing to try them when they’re offered. Show them that it’s okay to not finish a meal if you feel full. Show them how to balance physical health with emotional health.
And, the research support this practice.
Would you use any of these strategies to help nurture your child’s developing relationship with food?
