TW: This blog contains mention of disordered eating behaviors and eating disorders. If this topic is triggering for you, please proceed with caution.
If you’re making efforts to raise body positive kids, I’m sure you’re all too aware of the challenges that make this task feel like an uphill battle. Diet culture, social media, the influence of others, unrealistic beauty standards, fatphobia, and the list goes on… I think it’s fair to say that this is the biggest challenge that parents face as they help their child learn to develop healthy relationships with food and self-image. Sometimes we cannot prevent the influence of the outside world, despite all our good intentions. Unfortunately, I can’t give you any advice on how to control that actions and perspectives of others.
However, what I can do, is teach you the skills you need to identify the red flag language and behavior that may be signs of a worsening problem. When kids begin to struggle with their relationships with food and self-image, there are a wide spectrum of problems that may arise. For the purposes of this blog, I want to focus specifically on the more consequential problems – disordered eating and eating disorders. Identifying the red flags of disordered eating and eating disorders, and being able to confidently address these concerns with your child is an important skill to learn as a parent. Early intervention in disordered eating behaviors is essential, as it may help prevent the progression of disordered eating behaviors as well as the physical and psychological consequences.
Disordered eating vs. eating disorder… What’s the difference?
While they may sound interchangeable, there are some significant differences between disordered eating behaviors, and an eating disorder.
Disordered eating behaviors are fairly common. While it would be ideal to eliminate these behaviors, they aren’t necessarily cause for immediate and extreme concern. Disordered eating behaviors may be synonymous with having a poor relationship with food.
In comparison, an eating disorder is a dangerous, and sometimes fatal, condition that affects a person’s eating behaviors. Additionally, these behaviors tend to be more severe and consistent, and are often accompanied by emotional and psychological distress. There are many manifestations of eating disorders, that may include:
- Anorexia nervosa – Those with anorexia nervosa often restrict caloric intake, resulting in weight loss. Distorted perception of body image may also accompany this condition.
- Bulimia nervosa – This condition is often characterized by episodes of binge eating, followed by forced purging (vomiting, excessive laxative use, fasting, etc.).
- Binge eating disorder – Frequent episodes of binge eating, and feelings of loss of control during these episodes are the most commonly seen in binge eating disorder.
- Orthorexia – This condition is associated with extreme fixation or obsession on ‘healthy’ eating.
- There are many other eating disorder conditions, such as other specified feeding or eating disorder (OSFED), avoidant restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID), pica, rumination disorder, and more…
Eating disorders affect around 9% of the population worldwide, and affect individuals of all age, race, gender, and size. Additionally, it is likely that disordered eating behaviors affect even more individuals. For example, a study conducted back in 2008 determined that 75% of American women aged 25-45 reported at least one disordered eating or eating disorder behavior.
It’s important to be able to curb these behaviors as early as possible, which is why I want to provide you the insight to recognize the warning signs, and appropriately redirect red flag language and behavior in your child.
Recognizing Red Flags
Like many other health conditions, the sooner we can begin treatment the better. Disordered eating and eating disorders are no different. I want to provide you a list of warning signs that you can look out for, in the case that your child’s behavior progresses towards an eating disorder. The more prepared you are, the more likely you are to catch it sooner!
Possible signs and symptoms of disordered eating:
- Expressing discontentment or concern about their body size or shape
- Expressing the need to diet or restrict food
- Following restrictive food rules (i.e. I can’t have dessert, or I can’t drink beverages with calories)
- Feeling guilty or shameful after eating ‘junk’ food or for not eating ‘healthy’ enough
- Feeling out of control around food resulting in binging or overeating
- Emotional eating
Possible signs and symptoms of eating disorders:
- Increasing obsession or concern about their body size or shape
- Beginning to diet or restrict food
- Avoiding categories of food (i.e. carbs, fats, etc.)
- Skipping meals
- Obvious discomfort during meals
- Weight fluctuation (weight gain and weight loss)
- Significant mood changes
- Dizziness or lightheadedness
- For girls, menstruation may stop
- Gastrointestinal complaints
There are many more signs and symptoms that may manifest if your child struggles with an eating disorder. Check out the National Eating Disorders Association’s full list to familiarize yourself thoroughly.
Red Flag Language
Your children may exhibit obvious signs that their relationship with food and body image is worsening. However, this is not always the case. I wanted to list some common red flag statements that may be indicative of disordered eating behaviors, so you can recognize the early signs of a progressing problem.
Look out for statements like:
“I’m so fat.”
“I can’t eat that, I will gain weight.”
“I’m going to eat this without the bun/bread.”
“I’m just not hungry in the morning anymore.”
“I just can’t stop eating.”
“I’m so bad.”
“I need to go on a diet.”
“I wish I was skinnier.”
“If I’m going to have dessert, I need to workout before.”
These statements may vary depending on the scenario and child. However, you may notice there are trends that become easy to identify when you look a little closer. Keep an eye out for feelings of shame or guilt around food and body-image. Notice when your children start to set food and exercise rules for themselves.
Sadly, these behaviors are not all that uncommon. As kids grow up, they tend to adopt the food rules and behaviors of those around them – learning from adults who regularly diet, from the bullies at school who tease others for their size, and even school curriculum that tries to reinforce healthy behaviors, but instead may cause fixation on calories and sugar. The good news is that once you can identify this red flag language, you can redirect and reeducate your kids. Let’s now explore some of the DO’s and DON’TS of redirecting red flag language and behavior as it comes up.
Redirecting Language
It is not easy to address these red flag behaviors in your kids. Parents tell me all the time,
“I know I need to say something, but I don’t know what to say. I’m worried I’m going to make them feel bad, or make things even worse.”
We have already established the importance of identifying these red flags in your child’s language and behavior, and why it’s imperative to address the signs of disordered eating and eating disorders early on. When it comes to redirecting and reeducating, here are some general pointers that may help guide your approach and make these tough conversations just a little bit easier.
DO
- Talk, even when it feels uncomfortable
- Try to explore and understand their motivations behind their statements and behavior
- Remind them that our bodies are always changing in size and shape
- Remind them that all bodies are deserving of love and respect
- Reinforce the ways in which the family engages in behaviors that support a healthy mind and body
DO NOT
- Invalidate their feelings or reasons for their behaviors and language
- Make the subject feel taboo or shameful – you want to maintain their trust and keep lines of communication open
- Reassure them by saying things like, “You’re not fat,” or, “Don’t say that, you are beautiful!” (i.e. do not further reinforce that fat is bad, and continue to instill fat/size bias)
- Support their ‘healthy’ eating behaviors and normalize disordered eating patterns
Moving Forward
It can feel devastating when your child’s relationship with food and body-image becomes damaged. However, as a parent, you have the opportunity to prevent further damage, and to heal what has been broken. Familiarize yourself with the signs of disordered eating and eating disorders, demonstrate your ability to listen and empathize with the difficult feelings that are coming up for your children, and always be open to getting further help when things feel out of your grasp.
If your child is facing mounting struggles with food and body-image, and you feel unsure how to best help them, it can be helpful to recruit additional support. While I don’t treat eating disorders, I do:
- Help parents better understand the origin of their child’s disordered eating behaviors
- Provide parents specific strategies to manage and redirect language and behavior
- Collaborate with parents to not just heal broken relationships with food and body image, but to promote healthy relationships moving forward
- Offer referrals to dietitians and healthcare providers who specialize in eating disorder treatment and rehabilitation
If you are looking for support, I offer free consultations to help you get started. Please don’t hesitate to reach out at rileytherd@balancedlifenutritionconsulting.com. Let’s work together to build up a future generation of body positive, healthy kids!