Serving dessert with meals may be the most impactful strategy parents can use to help children develop healthy relationships with food. Yes – you read that right! With meals, not after.
Most of us are used to the standard rule – finish your meal before you can have dessert. However, these old food rules often cause the opposite effect you’re hoping for. Rather than encouraging your child to finish their meal or to eat their veggies, you’re telling them, “If you can fight your way through the [insert less desirable food here], you get to the real prize… dessert.”
Our intention is to encourage children learn to love all foods. Not just those tricky forbidden foods that we grow to have such complicated relationships with. Which is why I want to convince you that the best way of doing this, is by serving dessert with meals.
Neutralizing Food
Let’s back up a little. It’s not just serving sweets with dinner that will magically transform your child’s relationship with food. It’s the practice of food neutrality that will have an impact. If you need to brush up on food neutrality, check out my blog on the practice here.
The goal of food neutrality is to create an even playing field between all foods, regardless of what the food is. When we serve dessert after dinner, or use it as an incentive to get the kids to finish their meal, we are elevating dessert to a higher status. Dessert becomes special, and greater than the rest of the food that is served. However, it becomes even more complicated, because despite this elevated status, we tend to think of sweets as ‘junk’ food. Dessert is both special and bad. A favorite food, but we can only have it sometimes. It all gets very conflicting and confusing, especially for kids as they get a bit older.
These confusing dynamics can lead to food fixations, overeating, and feelings of guilt and shame around eating. I know that the relationships we build with food, and especially sweets, can feel… complicated. Luckily, we can make these relationships a lot less complicated for future generations to come.
Serving Dessert WITH Meals
So, in the name of food neutrality, I am recommending that you start serving dessert with dinner. Start serving dessert with lunch. Offer it for a snack! By doing this with your kids, you are sending them the message that dessert foods aren’t really all that more special than any other food. You are showing them that they never have to worry about restriction or limitation of foods that they like to eat. These actions are important because they lead to desired outcomes in a child’s developing relationship with food, like better appetite regulation, prevention of negative feelings like shame and guilt, and resolution of food fixation.
Despite the potential benefits, parents are largely concerned that when they put this theory into practice, their kids will eat the dessert first before the rest of their food, or even worse, only eat the dessert. To which I say, take a deep breath and prepare yourself, because in all honestly, that is very likely to happen when you first start using this food neutrality strategy. You can expect your child will make a beeline for the sweets, and maybe even ignore the rest of their dinner.
But, you can also expect their response to improve over time, and you’ll be reinforcing mindsets that will help their relationship with food in the long term. I know that this practice can still be challenging to get your family used to, so here are some tips that will help you be successful in serving dessert with meals:
Tips for Success
- Practice patience and consistency.
- When you get started, do not bring any attention to the addition of dessert with dinner. If asked, nonchalantly acknowledge the change, and move on.
- Do not ask that your child finish their ‘dinner’ foods first before eating the dessert. It may seem counterintuitive, but let them explore.
- Don’t create any expectation as to when the dessert will show up. For example, I would recommend against serving dessert with every meal, and avoid serving dessert just on special occasions (like weekends).
- Keep dessert portions to 1 serving size (age-appropriate).
- To limit fixation on dessert, limit your child to one serving of dessert, and offer second portions of the other foods if they are still hungry.
Above all, try to have fun. If your kids eat more dessert than dinner as you’re starting out, it’s not the end of the world. Parents who have used this strategy and been successful have reported that after some time, dessert begins to lose its shiny appeal, and attention to the other foods on the plate returns. That is food neutrality in action.
I recognize that this transition can be rocky. For a little more support in introducing food neutrality strategies within your own home, check out my digital guide, ‘Creating a Food Neutral Household’. For a lot more support, I recommend completing my 1:1 Coaching Application. I will reach out within 1-2 business days for a free consultation, so we can see which of my services would be a best fit for you and your family!